I Have Been Bad...

No, not in that way, I actually have kept my nose clean lately and I haven't felt nearly the temptations I used to, so I thank God for that. The problem I have run into is that school takes over my life and I don't do the things I should do. I know I wrote about the spiritual advisor...never did it. It doesn't take much effort at all on my part but I just get going and then I lose track of everything. I seem to do this quite a bit honestly, and not just with matters of priesthood. On the bright side, I am setup to go on a 8-day silent retreat with my father and I have told them that I am discerning my vocation so I am hoping that will help. I just need to get out of the world, get out of my busy life, and to take some time to just be quiet and listen to God. I need time to just decompress and truly look at where my life is and where I am going so I am really looking forward to my retreat. I am going to try to build in more time in my daily life for such reflection as well (and hopefully that means I will write in here more but no guarantees) so we will see what happens.

I am still struggling with just trusting God in my life. We had a great homily on this tonight at Mass where the priest talked about sometimes we just have to stop fighting and go with God and let Him guide you because he will not guide me wrong. The problem is at this point I am not 100% sure how to do this. I am really split and not sure if I am called to the priesthood or marriage, so I don't know if I should actively pursue one or the other or if I should just live my life and see what happens. As I think I brought up before I am going to have a major life-changing moment coming up next year in applying to graduate school in psychology. The reason this is major and life-changing is because graduate school is a huge commitment and also extremely difficult to get into. I do have a first choice program but beyond that I don't have all that I am really all that passionate about. If I get into my first choice program I may interpret it as that is the way God is leading me. However, if I don't, then I may take it as a sign that I need to take a year and go into the seminary and see if that is right for me or not. Furthermore, if I do go to graduate school, then I am essentially signing up for 7 years of training. Yes I could go into the priesthood after but I would lose a lot of time. Either way it is going to change my life. I just don't know how much I should read into what happens and I don't know if at this point I just need to go and live my life and trust that God will guide me.

I am going to try to remember to call the spiritual advisor next week (fingers crossed on that). I think that I am just going to go through life and let God be in charge of telling me where I should go (though it may take a bit to get my attention). If I meet someone special or I get into grad school then that tells me one thing or if I don't perhaps that tells me something else. I am not going to worry about it other than at times like this when I analyze where I am going...I am just going to follow. Please pray for me and pray that when God does guide me that I may be receptive to it and also may recognize his hand in it.